She Fell In Love With Their Single Male Friend, Now She
Is Very Confused!
Dear Frank,
Ok so here it goes, I have two guys who I love and both love me back. One is my husband (Dan) of 10 years, and the other is my lover (Rico) who came into the picture when my husband and I wanted to try MMF threesomes. We met Rico about 5 yrs ago. My husband was my high school sweetheart, and I had never been with another man. We were each other’s first. 3 years into our marriage we started to swing. Usually it was just single women, and later started to swap partners with other couples. Eventually my husband got really turned on watch me be with other men, so we only did MMF threesomes for a while and that is when we met Rico.
At first it was very good. We all got along, but over time, Rico became the only guy that my husband and I wanted to be with. Over time Rico and I started to spend time together when my husband was away on business trips. It was just suppose to be for fun, and my husband knew, but that is when Rico and I started to develop feelings for each other. I never knew I could love another man after my husband.
My husband and I hit a rough patch and separated, but I still continued to see Rico. Recently Rico got some other woman (his ex) pregnant and he said he wanted to try to have a family with her. He promised me, he felt doubts not because he loved her but because he felt guilty of not being able to provide a family for his child. He then asked me for a break. At that moment I felt hurt because I felt I had given him my all.
Just after that I ran into my husband, we talked, and we got back together. I felt like we could do it this time around, even though I felt like something was missing between the two of us, I wanted to give it my all.
Problems arose when Rico came back a month after Dan and I got back together. I told him I was back with my husband. He apologized and told me loved me that he had made the biggest mistake of his life and was willing to prove to me how much I meant to him but would leave me alone if I was truly happy.
I am very confused. I feel horrible to be in this position with the possibility of hurting my husband who I do love, for another man who I love as well. I also feel like husband deserves someone better than me because of what is going on. And I feel very angry that Rico could can just walk into my life and turn it upside down. But I do feel as if he has changed, and can keep his promises.
It is very hard to do make this decision I don’t want to hurt my husband. I also don’t want to stay with him and have this constant doubt in my head arising ever so often. I don’t know what to do. I am so mentally exhausted from examining the situation from all angles.
~Between a Rico And a Husband’s Peace
Dear BRAHP,
If you are still legally married to your husband, you have an obligation to work things out so stay with him. If you are divorced from your husband, and the things that split you two up to begin with are still there, then do not go back to him. At that point you need to be alone for a while to figure yourself out.
Do not get back with Rico. His priority is his child not his love life. He needs to work things out with the mother of his child. Period.
I think you need to spend time ALONE, getting comfortable with yourself and figure out what you need to LEARN from this situation.
You jumped into a new relationship because you were feeling alone, and likely feeling abandoned. That is also why you went back to your husband.
Yes, you likely love both, and if you want an open relationship where you can have relationships with both at the same time, then that is also something to consider…however, love is NOT enough to make a relationship work. It takes a willingness to burden the hard times and that is one skill you need to develop. I want you to consider something… you need to focus LESS on who you love and focus more on what kind of relationship and future you want to build day to day. That more than anything will bring clarity to the drama you are experiencing right now, which you might be getting addicted to.
~Frank, because I have to be
Writer for SandiOnSwinging.com, you can also visit him at www.franktalks.com where he talks more about having an open relationship including having a Threesome.
