Both sexes have standards, and when it comes to dating and swinging it is the same. Everyone is looking for that perfect someone that they can imagine having mind blowing sex with. Sometimes it get so frustrating trying to meet someone compatible that you may start to think that swingers are just far too picky.
It might surprise you to know that when it comes to deal breakers with swinging, men and women are surprising alike in what turns them off and won’t lead to more dates. Knowing this can help you avoid a dry spell.
Not Knowing How to Communicate
Not knowing how to communicate on a swing date is something that a lot of women just don’t want to put up with. Things like this include not being able to talk clearly and not knowing the basic difference between commonly misused words.
To men, this might seem too picky, but to women, a man that doesn’t know how to communicate from the start, including with their eyes, it won’t get any better as the swinging relationship progresses.
Women do put more of an emphasis on communication than men do because this is how women relate. A deal breaker with communication is a man or a woman who is obviously the star in their own world.
These kinds of people talk so much that it’s hard to get a word in edgewise. When meeting a couple for your first “date” they want to know more about you, but not everything, give them the condensed version of yourself, not your life story.
During a date, you don’t want to jump on the complain train. Someone that you’ve just met or are just now starting to get to know doesn’t want to hear all about the job that you hate, or the terrible day you’ve just experienced.
Communication during a date means communicating with both half’s of the couple. It doesn’t mean that this is a fresh avenue for you to spill all of your resentment and heartache about the people you used to swing with.
If you bring your failed ex sexual experiences into the conversation, it can be an instant deal breaker because it shows that you will probably bad mouth them if things don’t work out.
It also shows that you’re inconsiderate. It’s a deal breaker to use someone you barely know as a sounding board about the lost lovers in your life. You might feel that you’re connecting, while the other person feels like they should be charging you a therapy fee.
Work through your issues about your ex partners before you move on to swinging with someone new. You’ll be doing yourself a big favor.
Being Impolite
Most people know how to be polite. Some don’t. If you don’t know how to be polite, that can be a deal breaker. If you haven’t mastered basic table etiquette, then you need to learn before you hit the swinging circuit.
One of the biggest issues that’s a deal breaker among both men and women are people that use their cell phone’s when meeting a couple, especially when it is for the first time. If you text or take a call during a swing date and it’s not an absolute emergency, you can bet you’ll probably never get another call.
It’s rude to pay attention to someone who isn’t even there via a cell phone. Being rude to others (including the waitress or waiter) around you while getting to know a potential sex partner is a deal breaker. If you’re out with your friends, treating them rudely is also a deal breaker.
The swingers you are meeting will end up wondering if that’s how you treat other people, if you’ll start to treat him, her, or them that way as well.
Being vulgar comments can be a deal breaker as well. It can be rude and offensive. Be sexy and suggestive in your talking when you first meet someone in the lifestyle.
It can be a deal breaker to be sarcastic or to make fun of something that the couple finds interesting. It makes you look mean, even if it is just not your thing that doesn’t mean you should put the down for their sexual interests; you wouldn’t want them to put down your likes in the bedroom, would you?
Not Taking Care of Your Appearance
Surprising, swingers (both men and women) aren’t looking for someone who doesn’t have any flaws. But everyone pretty much is looking for someone who takes pride in his or her appearance. This can range from clothing choice to basic hygiene habits.
When you show up for a swing date, even if it’s somewhere casual, you should always look your best. Those worn sweatpants might make you feel comfortable, but to whom you are meeting, they say that you couldn’t be bothered to put forth much effort.
Save the around the house clothes for around the house. Don’t wear a pair of shoes that could be worn when cleaning out the garage or mowing. Don’t wear shoes that don’t fit the occasion. An example of this is also wearing high heels for a beach walk.
The shoes are out of place and will only tell your swing date that you’re trying too hard to impress. Be careful going too bold. That bright Hawaiian shirt might look great on a vacation, but when meeting someone for the first time, it’s better to choose clothes and shoes that blend in and save the wilder choices for a later date.
A deal breaker in both men and women is showing up for a date without having spent some time on personal hygiene. If you can’t be bothered to brush and floss your teeth, it’s better that you stay home.
Poor hygiene habits can also be a deal breaker. These include things like wiping your mouth on the sleeve of your shirt after eating. Or coughing up phlegm and then spitting it onto the ground.
Take care of your smile. It’s one of the first impressions that you’ll make on someone else when it comes to swinging (and life in general). You only have one chance to make a good first impression. A big deal breaker for men and women is pretending to be something you’re not online or through text messages, then showing up in person and you look and act totally differently.
An example of this is a a guy who says he has washboard abs, when it’s really more like a beer belly. That is why photos are so important to have in your profile. What both sexes really appreciate is a person who’s honest with them right from the start.
Don’t lie about your body type, your looks or your hobbies just to get someone interested in you. The goal is to meet others and when that happens and the truth comes out, it will only backfire.
Certain habits can also make your appearance less than desirable on a date. Someone who smells like cigarette smoke can be a deal breaker to some people. People who drink more than they say they do and become a blubbering idiot are a turnoff, too.
Not Being Dependable
One deal breaker pretty much everyone can agree on people who don’t know how to keep their word. These people are often flighty. They’ll say one thing and mean another. Sometimes, they can be prone to playing mind games.
Both men and women are looking for someone who has a solid character. They know that if you’re not dependable, as the swinging relationship develops, you won’t be the one they’ll call.
It’s a deal breaker because a person who isn’t dependable has all kinds of excuses for his or her behavior. Why they didn’t show up when they said they would. Why they blew you off, why they didn’t do what they said they would.
Someone who has a life that’s out of control isn’t someone that you would want around because that person can’t be trusted. Without trust, there can’t be a healthy relationship.
Someone who’s too clingy isn’t someone who can be depended on. This is because the other person will constantly have to reassure the clingy one, constantly have to feed their need for reassurance and company. Signs of being clingy include always wanting to know who you’re with and what you’re doing. The person could be afraid that you’re leaving them behind and found a new play partner. A dating relationship needs to be a two way street.
Being Too Familiar Too Fast
When you are just starting to swing-date someone (for lack of a better term), there are certain physical boundaries that shouldn’t be crossed unless it’s clear that the other person is open to the contact. On your first meeting (or date), you should have and respect personal boundaries.
Treating someone like they’re a long time sex partner that you can hang all over is going to make the other person uncomfortable. While this is usually more common among men, women are also guilty of this one. Part of the problem is because swinging has become more like a sexual checklist. People are trying to see if the other person fits the bill physically. This means that he or she is trying to figure out if they’re sexually compatible – if they’re a good fit.
Though it’s important to swing with someone you are physically attracted to, swinging isn’t a supermarket where you can go in and start rubbing and touching to see if you like what you see.
Because men are usually bigger, taller and have more physical strength, being too hands on can make a woman feel uncomfortable, intimidated and sometimes can cross the boundaries into sexual harassment. So you should never assume it’s okay to touch someone else. Instead, make sure that you have a clear okay before you do.
Although it’s not easy to find compatible swinging partners in today’s world, there are plenty of good men, women and couples looking for that someone who they are sexually compatible. Figure out what your deal breakers are and try to find people who suits your personal preferences!
