Always negotiate the rules before you are in any sexual situation. Nothing is harder to do than stopping in the middle of sex to tell your partner that you won’t have sex unless he uses a condom, dental dam, etc., or that one of your rules with swinging is that you don’t kiss the other partner. Communicating with your partner(s) is the best way to insure that everyone has a pleasurable sexual experience and that you protect yourselves from exposure to sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancy. But communication is often more difficult than it sounds. Let’s face it: talking about sex can be awkward and embarrassing, especially when talking about your personal likes and dislike. But these days not talking about sex can be dangerous. It is important to remember that your health and safety are worth whatever feelings of fear and awkwardness a conversation might bring up.
One way to start is by introducing a safer sex conversation during a low-key moment: while on a walk, during dinner, over the phone, via email. Try not to wait until you are between the sheets to bring up your swinging rules or safer sex. You can start small. Mention a news story about condoms or a magazine piece on STD’s. If you are involved in a on-going relationship you can tell your partner that your desire to use condoms is based on your growing awareness of safer sex, not a lack of trust in your relationship.
Begin to develop a sexual vocabulary that you are comfortable with. Some people enjoy slang or “talking dirty” while others prefer a more formal terminology. Use bedtime word games to teach each other your languages for sex. Remember that everyone has different words for what they enjoy –“doing it” can mean intercourse for one person and mean “foreplay” to another.
Reading each other fantasy stories is a good way to let your partner know what you find interesting. After reading a sexual part of a story tell you partner if you would like to try it yourself. This is also an excellent way to bring up the the topic of swinging for the first time.
Say what you want very clearly so that there will be no misunderstanding. Hopefully, the person you are with will want to share that desire with you. A good, loving partner will want to know what makes you tick, and most swingers are very respectful of rules (that is if they know about them in advance). In fact, sharing your desires with your partner can be an exiting, pleasurable part of any relationship.
~Sandi & Ted, from Tryst Swingers