She Wants A Threesome And He Wants Vanilla Sex
Dear Frank,
I was pregnant when I first met my current boyfriend. He was very supportive as a friend, and over the last year and a half we became close. While I was pregnant my sex drive was out of commission, so we have only been active for the last 3 months. Before I got pregnant I was in the swinger lifestyle and want to get back out there with my new boyfriend. This came up when I ran into one of my old lovers and I want her to have a threesome with her and my boyfriend.
My boyfriend has refused. (!?!)
He said that he is ok with me looking, and even offered to go to strip clubs with me, but he doesn’t want to participate in anything else. I love my boyfriend. Aside from my son, my boyfriend is the best thing that has ever happened to me, but I so want to get back into having group sex. How do I get him to want to participate?
-Missing Swinging (& wants a Threesome)
Dear Missing,
In the entire time you dated him; didn’t the topic of your sexual orientation come up at all? Did you not test him before hand to see if he would be comfortable with it? Despite the stereotype, not all men are ready to handle adventurous sex lives. What they can handle in fantasy may be more than their reality can take.
The issue here is whether or not we are dealing with a boundary issue, or if he just needs more time to ease into a comfort zone with this new dynamic to your relationship. For starters, go to the strip clubs with him and let him get used to the idea of you liking girls. Offer to buy him a lap dance and let him get used to the idea of you watching him interact with another woman. For all you know he experimented with the lifestyle with his past lovers and things did not go well for him, so he is just being cautious right now. If this is a boundary issue (religious beliefs or a history of being sexually abused) then consider that the two of you have reached an impasse on compatibility.
My major concern is that in all the time you were friends and then lovers, this seems the first time these issues have come up and these issues happen to be very important to you. If I were him, I would be thinking about what other important facet of your life you are hiding and going to spring on him next.
~Frank, because I have to be
Writer for SandiOnSwinging.com, you can also visit him at www.franktalks.com where he talks more about having an open relationship.
You can also learn more about having a Threesome by reading Suzy Bauer’s excellent book which will give you a step by step look at Threesomes.