How to cope with the anxiety of meeting a new couple and break the ice.
For a lot of couples, meeting another couple in the lifestyle can be incredibly nerve wracking, whether you’re a newbie or already have some experience. And even though the intention of what you’re hoping to do are understood, it can still be a pretty anxiety provoking experience. Please know, those feelings are perfectly normal.
The lifestyle is about connecting with like-minded great people and having fun. Some people search for ‘friends with benefits’ while others are looking for spontaneous hookups, no strings attached. But either way, you’re looking to make a connection with another couple. Most people would probably agree that while physical attraction is somewhat important, as a couple you really want to like the other couple, emotionally connect with them and enjoy their company. It’s really about chemistry.
So, with that in mind, it’s fairly common for couples to feel a bit anxious meeting another couple for the first time. Whether it’s at a club, a lifestyle resort, or a couple you find online, that initial ‘meet ‘n greet’ is where you establish chemistry. And that first date can sometimes be a little awkward and uncomfortable. Once you get past a quick physical assessment, you’re looking to see if you ‘click’. Everyone wants to present well and there can be a bit of pressure to be funny and interesting, so nervousness is to be expected.
So, how do you deal with that initial awkwardness even if you’re relying on some ‘liquid courage’ to make it easier? Conversation can start easily enough but typically it’s all the standard pleasantries type stuff. How did the two of you meet? What do you do for a living? Do you have kids?” etc. This level of conversation would be fine if you were meeting another people at a neighbor’s backyard BBQ, but this situation is very different. Your intention here is distinctively special. To put it bluntly, if there’s chemistry, you’d like to have sex with them. So, it’s understandable that it can be somewhat difficult transitioning to the risqué stuff you really want to know about this new couple, like, what’s your favorite position or have you ever had a bi-sexual experience? Or do you like anal?
If you click with the other couple, and you and your spouse decide you’d like to play with them, then you’re likely facing a second round of anxiety inducing emotions. At the second get together, or perhaps it’s a rendezvous later that evening, you’re likely meeting at a hotel room or one of your respective homes. You’ve likely put on something sexy, showered vigorously and groomed extensively. You and your significant other are excited and probably a little nervous. Okay, maybe even a lot. Once again, you’re wondering, how do we begin? How do you transition from small talk like, “so, was there much traffic getting here?” to getting naked and having soft or full-swap sex, or whatever it is you’re into.
Let me tell you how my husband and I dealt with this nervousness and anxiety. We tend to think of ourselves on the shy side and prefer to meet couples online. So, we were really delighted to come across two great card games designed specifically for people in the lifestyle, called The Game of Lifestyle.
The classic teen-party game Truth or Dare can work but because they’re typically intended for kids at sleep-away camp, they can sometimes be a bit silly. Popular games like Jenga or Cards Against Humanity can be changed so that they are dirty, but it can take a bit of work to modify them. With Jenga, writing the phrase ‘go down on another female’ means having to now hide the game so that it doesn’t get accidentally pulled on family game night – a nightmare scenario for sure!
The first card game Ice Breaker Edition helps couples get to know each other in a fun, sexy way. The game “breaks the ice” as players take turns asking provocative questions about each other’s sex life. We recently met a cute couple we found online at a neighborhood restaurant and played it with them. There are questions like, “where is the ‘craziest place you’ve ever had sex, or have you ever had sex with someone of the same sex?” which lets us all open up.
The cards got everyone talking, laughing and sharing imitate details. The cards are regular deck-size so as long as we kept our voices down, it was easy to play and ask each other questions in a place with lots of people around.
It’s funny, while playing I kept thinking how fun and naughty it was to share sexy details with another couple I just met – something we’d never do with a vanilla couple. Truthfully, it got me quite hot. And really that’s the point. Afterward, my husband and I both felt that game made it easy because it prompted conversation with questions we’d normally feel awkward asking ourselves.
We hit it off with the other couple and shortly after, over email, we all decided to get together at hotel, a few weeks later. The day we were set to meet my husband and I were full of nerves. We were super excited, but still had lots of anxiety. And even though we had been in the LS for a few years, I kept thinking, are we really going to do this? I’m also kind of shy, so I kept thinking, who is going to make the first move?
Thankfully, we had the second Game of Lifestyle card game called, Hot ‘n Heavy Edition. If the first game is the game you play to start talking, the second card game is the game you play to stop talking…. so that you can start playing! The action got going as the four of us took turns reading cards and carrying out the sexual directions. There are cards that instruct people to remove articles of clothing and others that get couples to engage in heavy foreplay and beyond. The cards got increasingly more explicit as the game progressed. I don’t think we actually finished playing because once I started kissing the other female while placing my hand down her husband’s pants, we abandoned the game and declared everyone a winner.
I can’t recommend these card games enough. I highly suggest everyone reading this should go get at least one of the sets of cards in the Game Of Lifestyle.
Note from Sandi: You can get a copy of the game directly from: The Game of Lifestyle