Attachment to Male Lover confusion
Dear Frank,
My wife and I have just ended a four-year relationship with our male lover. Over the last few weeks, the condoms he was using kept breaking. At one point when I went to check his condoms, I found he had punched holes in all of them. I told my wife, and she was in disbelief that he would do such a thing. We confronted him, and finally he admitted to wanting his own kids, but not wanting to raise them. He said that he figured we would be good parents, so he was trying to get my wife pregnant and pass if off as our child. I got so enraged, that I ended our sexual relationship with him, and have cut all ties. He has tried to apologize and see us again, but I forbid it.
He was a part of our lives for the last 4 years. We all went on vacation together and shared so much together, and now, I feel like he betrayed us. My wife still thinks it was kind of flattering in a way and she is upset too, but not as angry as I am, although she does agree we should not see him again. Around the house there are a few mementos of his involvement in our life, and I want to get rid of them all, but my wife would like to keep a couple of them out. I do not know what to make of it.
Tom
Dear Tom
There are two things that make me angry reading this. The first is that idiot put you and your wife at major risk for a variety of diseases. The second is that your wife does not seem to be as angry as she should be. I assume he was not only sleeping with the two of you. That means he put you both at risk for things other than just a pregnancy. I would suggest that you both refrain from threesomes with anybody for 8 months, and then get tested for all forms of STDs to make sure you are both clean. After that, you both need to figure out some new rules and guidelines if you re-enter the lifestyle.
Your wife may have had some feelings for this man, which explains why she is not so quick to dump his stuff. In the end, I think it would be best to DUMP IT ALL, and keep an eye on your wife for the next little while. What he did was dangerous. You would be justified to go to your local police precinct and find out what you would need for a restraining order against him. Do the information gathering as a pre-cautionary measure, just in case he turns into a stalker.
As for the mementos and such, keep them out of visual range for a while. Include all the mementos in one stored box. Do not throw it out in the event he wants it back as a form of his property, or if you need it as evidence in a future court case. If he was crazy enough to pull this stunt, there is no telling what else he would do. No matter what his excuse is, under no circumstances should either of you consider rekindling anything with him. If your wife tries to see him behind your back, ask for a divorce.
~Frank, because I have to be
Writer for SandiOnSwinging.com, you can also visit him at www.franktalks.com where he talks more about having an open relationship including having a Threesome.