Like all new things in life, you have to learn how to walk before you can run, the same can be said for swingers. The same holds true with swinging. You can learn anything in life by yourself, but the road is much harder to travel and you usually hit a lot of bumps along the way. Even though both of you may think you are ready to be a swinger, issues will arise along the way that both of you will need to work on. This article is tailored to help instruct and guide the first time swinger in the proper etiquette in the swinging lifestyle, how to approach couples, how to say NO gracefully and many more topics of concern for 1st time swingers.
The following hints and tips have been learned by many swingers that have come and gone before you. We strongly urge new swingers to read this a few times to help you retain this important information that will make all of your swinging experiences safe and enjoyable. If you have a hint or tip that you feel we have missed or should be included in this section, please let us know.
How To Approach Your First Swingers Club
Contact the owner of the Swingers Club via email or phone. In most cases in the swinging lifestyle you will never be asked for your last name unless clubs intend on mailing you information via snail mail. If you are not familiar with the club, ensure you ask if the club is ON-PREMISE or OFF-PREMISE. There is a big difference between the two types of clubs and it is important to know what level of activities both of you are looking for. Ask what types of activities you can expect to see or participate in at the club. Let the club owners know that this will be your first time to a club. If you are nervous, don’t be ashamed to say so, most couples are nervous the first time. Ask if the club owners if they can introduce you and your partner to other couples that have the same interests in sex as both of you. You will usually be introduced to other couples by the club owners on your first visit to a club if you want them to.
Set Your Ground Rules Before You Go
This is the MOST IMPORTANT step to take BEFORE attending any Swing club, Swingers party or meeting with other couples or singles. Both of you must discuss and set ground rules that both of you MUST agree on before you attend your first club or party, so that there will be no misunderstandings during or after your first night out. You must discuss your limits of play and any specific things that would upset yourself or your partner. If you have discussed intercourse, whether you will use condoms or not.
When you make ground rules between you, ensure you don’t break them! Many arguments are started by one partner bending or breaking the rules that were set by both partners. You will have many other opportunities to change or amend your rules as both of you become more comfortable in the lifestyle. The key to a very successful adventure into the swinging lifestyle is good communication between you and your partner.
When you meet or get together with a new swingers couple for the first time, it is proper and appropriate to let the new couple know your level of play or things that would upset either one of you if they were to do them. The more you communicate with new couples, the more comfortable all of you will be with each other.
How To Approach Your First Swing Couple
If you are lucky or ask the owner of the swingers club, your first couple will be introduced to you when you go to a club for the first time. In most cases new couples will want to watch other couples in action prior to approaching them in a club atmosphere. Most swingers are very outgoing people and many of them will not be shy to introduce themselves to you.
If you spot a couple that you find attractive. Ask your partner if they find the same couple attractive. If the feeling is mutual, both of you should go together and tell the couple your first names and that you are new to the club and were hoping that we could join you and help answer some of our questions. If you are turned down (AND YOU WILL BE – IT HAPPENS TO EVERY COUPLE) don’t take the rejection personally! Be polite and move on to the next couple. Remember, if you were turned down, it is their loss not yours. We have never met a couple that could not find matching couples in the lifestyle. The key is to be outgoing , (look and smell clean) and a warm smile and friendly tone will get you many introductions.
Don’t Give Up On Your First Few Tries
If you attend an on-premise or off-premise club for the first time and you don’t feel comfortable, don’t let the first few experiences discourage you. Talk with other couples or the owner and let them know how you feel. Every club is different and you need to find a club that both of you feel comfortable in and the couples that are attending. There are a lot of couples out there that are willing to help.
How To Say NO Gracefully
If someone is touching a spot or a part of you that feels uncomfortable, slowly move their hand from the spot or part of you they are touching and place their hand where you feel more comfortable. This is very graceful and no words need to be exchanged to understand what was meant by the move. You can also state that something makes you feel uncomfortable and you would like them to stop.
If you have trouble saying NO to someone directly, at least practice some reasons for leaving someone’s company abruptly such as needing the bathroom, or needing to take your medicine. You must empower yourself with the right words to say that will help get you out of embarrassing situations quickly. Practice with your partner before you go, the practice could be fun at the same time.
How To Find A Matching Couple Quickly
When most people go shopping for groceries, they have a grocery list. When most swingers go to clubs they have a list or description of the types of couples that they would prefer to match up with first.
BE HONEST! Many couples that are looking for a second female to form a threesome will tell many couples that they are looking for a couple, but in reality were only looking for a second female player. This type of activity is what couples refer to as HEAD GAMES. Don’t play head games with other couples. If you are looking for a male or female only to join in for a threesome, you will be very surprised on how many people are willing to help you out.
Tell new couples your first names and that you are looking for other couples who are interested in the swinging aspect of the lifestyle. If they are not swingers, ask them if they know of any swingers at the club. The owners of most clubs will know the different likes and dislikes of couples at their club and are the quickest road map to finding the types of couples you are looking for.
If you are looking for swing partners and are sitting with a couple that are only out for an erotic evening, it is not improper to excuse yourselves and tell them it was nice meeting them. If you are interested in dancing with them, let them know that you would be interested in a dance later if they would like to. If you are looking for apples, you don’t sit down in the bread section hoping the bread will turn into apples. Many clubs will have ice breaker games to encourage both of you to mingle amongst the crowd and hopefully meet couples that might interest both of you.
How To Ask Couples About Safe Sex
Swingers are not shy to talk about sex and safe sex is no different. It is important that both of you discuss your safe sex practices before you go to a club. Simply state that you and your partner believe that using condoms is a must for lifestyle couples. Ask how they think about the subject. You will be surprised that many couples have not come to a mutual agreement between each other on the subject if they are a new couple. All experienced couples will tell you if they use condoms or prefer not to. Once both of you have made a commitment to use condoms, don’t break this commitment on any persons dislike of your choice.
Safe sex is a personal choice, but when it concerns you and your partner, you must be in agreement before joining the swinging lifestyle. Many couples prefer not to use condoms for different reasons, but will respect your choice over theirs if your choice is safer! Always be prepared with condoms. If you want to have safe sex and your new partner claims they forgot to bring a condom, you will be prepared.
How To Spot Predator Swingers
Predator swingers will usually prey on new couples. Predators rarely introduce their partner, their goals are usually self serving and their is usually something specific they want from you. They are far to quick to invite you away from the club early. They know that new swingers feel uncomfortable the first time out, so a friendly invite to their house to get out of the club early can be a warning sign. You should get to know all new couples before you rush into a get together.
Predator swingers will usually move from partner to partner throughout the evening, not caring that their spouse is having a terrible time and wants to leave. Swinging is a shared experience and couples that miss this key point are missing out on the whole concept of swinging. Predators will rarely introduce you to another couple fearing they will lose their prey. Predators will almost always make you feel uncomfortable. If you get that feeling that something is not right, trust you feelings in this case and stay away!
Predator swingers will also prey on people that have had too much to drink. They will usually become very insistent that you really want to do something, when in fact you are telling them NO or to stop. You should always be in visual contact with your partner if it is your first few times at a new club. If you are uncomfortable with saying NO to someone, at least have a signal that you and your partner have agreed upon that will let each other know to come and help or interrupt politely.
How To Respond To An Aggressive Couple
Politely tell them, that you are not interested. You NEVER have to give a reason why. It is very rude to ask any couple why they are not interested. Peoples feelings will always be hurt, no mater how you tell the reason. If a couple are insistent that they know the reason you are turning them down, you should tell them that it is improper of them to ask. If any couple becomes aggressive or won’t take no for an answer, you must immediately contact the host/hostess or the owner of the club and let them know. Do not try to talk with or handle an aggressive couple by yourselves, ask for help.
What To Wear Your First Night At Any Swingers Club
It is very important that you wear clothes that are comfortable for both of you. Don’t feel pressured to dress in anything sexy or provocative. Most clubs have a dress code that restricts the wear of blue jeans. A nice dress or skirt and blouse for the ladies and a pair of nice slacks and dressy shirt for the men is all that is needed.
You will benefit greatly if you bring or wear clothes that are a bit sexy or revealing. Many couples will bring a changes of clothes with them in a small travel hand bag. Even if you don’t feel like wearing them, you should be prepared with some sexy clothes if the mode changes during the evening. Most couples feel more at ease as the night goes on and seeing the other couples in revealing or sexy outfits can make you feel excited to change outfits and join right in. Be prepared for these possibilities and you will never feel disappointed because you did not plan for it. Many couples have told us that they wish they had brought a sexy outfit to change into after seeing most of the other couples changing into sexy lingerie or similar sexy outfits at the club.
How To Ask For Advice On Swinging
Talk with couples that have been there, done that and got many T-shirts. Swinging is not like becoming a doctor. It takes many years to become an experienced doctor, but experienced swingers come in many ages. Some young swingers may have much more experience at swinging than someone who has just started swinging at age 45. There is a great deal of information on the internet, but you never know how honest the information can be. Don’t be afraid to ask the same question of a few swingers.
There are forums for swinging on the Internet, many club members and owners who can help. There are hundreds of swing clubs out there, get informed before you play.
How To Handle Experienced Couples
For new couples, almost all experienced couples can appear or do come on too strong. Many experienced couples forget what it was like starting out in the lifestyle and can scare away or intimidate new couples unintentionally. Some experienced swingers WILL push new or first time swingers, these swingers can be classed as PREDATOR SWINGERS in some cases.
If either one of you feel awkward, out of place or pressured by an experienced couple, it is not impolite to remind them that both of you are new to all this and both of you are out of your element. Most experienced couples will appreciate that you have reminded them and will be patient and understanding. Some experienced swingers will not spend time with new or first time swingers, mainly due to the reality of the length of time it can take most new or first time swingers to feel comfortable or adjust to all the new feelings every couple goes through when joining the lifestyle.
The best way to handle experienced swingers is to BE HONEST and let them know how you both feel.