Dealing with Jealousy When Swinging

Two Swinging couples sitting naked In A Bed

When you first start out in swinging, you may find that you become jealous of your partner during or after the experience. Is this normal to feel like this? Or to not feel jealous at all?

If you’ve taken your time to discuss your swinging desires, then you may never have to deal with this. But it’s best you know a little either way.

Talking it out

The easiest rule to jealousy in swinging is to talk about it. As soon as you begin to feel jealous, you want to sit down with your partner and talk about what concerns you. Many times, one person in the relationship feels jealous because the other ‘did more’ than they did. Remember, it’s not a competition, but you might feel that your partner and whomever they were swinging with suddenly have a deeper connection.

A lot of times, jealousy also happens because the relationship was shaky to begin with. If you and your partner are having a lot of fights, or just aren’t communicating well, then you have to be careful. If you have a moment of feeling jealous, sit down with your partner and discuss EXACTLY what made you uncomfortable. Maybe it will just take changing your personal rules for each other to help with the feelings of jealousy.

Some couples save kissing for just each other and won’t allow it between their partner and someone else. Other practice “Soft Swinging”, which means saving penetration for your own partner. This is just a couple of ideas to show your commitment to each other. But when you stop to think about it, you and your partner are always leaving to go home with each other, even after a wild and exciting sexual experience with someone else. Some couples find that they become even more confident in their relationship.

Of course, it should go without saying that you need to be in complete agreement about wanting to try swinging is a prerequisite to swinging. If one partner wasn’t too keen in the first place, then you may find that accusations and jealousy pop up a lot more.

Talk about the possibility of this out before you even start swinging.

Why you might not feel jealous

Swinging is just so amazing that you may not even feel jealous. And that’s okay too. Some experienced swingers feel that their relationship is enhanced by the swinging extras. Knowing that they can share something sexual with another person or another couple can lead to greater intimacy and communication in other areas as well.

So a lot of couples just don’t feel jealous. It’s actually quite erotic to watch your partner be pleased by someone else or pleasure someone other than yourself. Trust me.

You may also have such a strong relationship already that swinging is just another adventure that you’re going on. And there’s not a smidge of jealousy because you both wanted to try swinging out anyways.

Swinging is an eye-opening (amongst other things) experience that can show you the strengths as well as the flaws in your current relationship. In most cases, however, swinging is a positive experience that will enrich a relationship as well as your sexual experience.

~ Julia Tanner (as published on

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