It seems that the most requested posts here are those which offer some tips and hints to those of you who are interested in the swinging lifestyle, but either haven’t tried it yet or maybe you tried it, but it just didn’t work out right. So I asked my boyfriend to help me put together some Swinging tips to help you out. I hope these will help you no matter what your situation may be. Please remember that we are by no means experts in this. These are just a few things we’ve found helpful and hopefully you will too.
Hints and Tips about Getting into the Swinging Lifestyle
If you are married and you are interested in swinging, but you are afraid to ask your partner to join you, do not trick them into trying it or go as a single. If you are married and you attend a swinging party without your spouse or at least your spouse’s approval, then in my book you’re not swinging, you’re cheating.
If you want to get your spouse interested in the lifestyle, take things slow. Talk about your fantasies with your spouse, use these fantasies in your lovemaking. For example, if you know your wife has a fantasy of being with another woman, then during foreplay have her close her eyes while you caress her body telling her to imagine that it is a female making her feel this good… you get the idea.
Don’t force your spouse into the lifestyle. This will only cause problems for you and inevitably it will cause hard feelings with whatever couple or party you attend, because one of you will be having fun while the other will be miserable and uncomfortable (which in turn makes others at the party feel uncomfortable). We’ve seen this happen many times.
Be sure that before you do anything in the swinging lifestyle that you have well established rules and guidelines set between the two of you. If either of you feels uncomfortable at any time for any reason the encounter should stop right there and then, no questions asked. This should be one of every couples rules, for newbies and seasoned swingers alike!
Make sure that you have a relationship that can handle the truth. Many times men want to see their wives with another woman, and have no problem being with that woman themselves, but when it comes times for their wife to be with another man, all of a sudden the husband becomes jealous. Make sure that when/if this happens you have the kind of trust and honesty that you can talk about this. Also that you can handle it if your wife enjoys the sex with this man. It doesn’t mean that she enjoys sex with you any less, it’s just different. Just like it is different for you with another woman.
Hints and Tips about Attending Swingers Parties and Dances
Be sure to ask in advance if you should bring anything, such as your own towels. Be sure to bring something comfortable (& sexy, like a cover up) to wear when the time comes to change (if you want to).
If it is a swingers club dance, try to dress in theme. It will help you feel more like you belong and will give you something in common with others who are also dressed.
Be sure to control yourself and not get so drunk that you become obnoxious if you drink alcohol.
Try to be on time and if you can’t, be sure to let the hosts know beforehand so they can expect you. Some parties lock the doors at a specified time, so that the hosts can relax and enjoy the party as well, without having to worry about answering the door.
If you make a reservation and then can’t attend be sure to cancel beforehand it is only courteous.
Make sure you respect everyone there by not pushing yourself on them.
Always remember that NO MEANS NO. If you approach someone and they say no, do not take it personally.
Always respect the rules of the house/dance. If you have a question about what is appropriate don’t hesitate to ask. Your hosts will appreciate that rather than you guessing on something like a house rule.
It is also helpful if you let other couples that you are interested in, know up front what your preferences are (bi, straight, soft swing, full swap, safe sex, etc.).
Hints and Tips about Meeting new couples on the Internet, etc.
On the internet, try to provide your stats right away so the other couple knows who/what you are, the general area where you live. Usually when they receive your stats they will respond with theirs. If they do not, don’t hesitate to ask so that you also know who/what they are.
Think about setting up a text document that you can copy into your ad text to make placing an ad or replying to a swinger’s ad easier.
If you know right away that you would not be interested in a couple, don’t act like you would be. Because what some people would take as showing an interest others might not, this is hard to do. But, for example, if a single male contacts you and you know you wouldn’t be interested in a single male, then let him know that up front.
Try to have some G-rated pictures of yourselves to pass along to others, as well as some more risque pictures (if you are comfortable). Be sure to get some pics that are flattering to your body types.
If you request pics from someone else, and you don’t have any to trade, be sure you let them know that as some people would rather not send their pics if they know that you don’t have any of yourselves to send to them. That is only fair.
Always try to remember to place your location in any ads you place, as most websites cover a large geographical area.
If you are going to hang out in swinger’s chats and place swingers ads, be sure that you really are (or are considering becoming) a swinger or getting into the swinging lifestyle and not just hopeful that you will convince your partner. There is nothing wrong with chatting to ask questions about the lifestyle, most people will be happy to answer your questions, but don’t act as if you are definitely into the lifestyle when it has only been a fantasy thus far.
Research it if you are not sure if it’s right for you. There is a lot of information online about swinging.
We are bad at this ourselves sometimes, but try to answer e-mail promptly. Even if the person(s) mailing you are not really of interest to you. You can say something like, we thank you for your response, but… (that kind of thing). We have not yet learned a pleasant way of turning people down. Any ideas please let me know.
Some Other Rules That You May Want to Think About Adopting
Most swinging couples first and major rule is to always attend dances, parties, meetings of other couples, etc. together! Once a friendship is established it is sometimes okay for one of the partners to visit the other couple, but usually it is understood that there will be no sexual activity with them, without the other present.
If anybody feels uncomfortable with what is happening, or who is present, then everything stops immediately with no hard feelings.
Always discuss beforehand what you would be comfortable with, as this can change after time.
After every swinging encounter, party, dance, etc., discuss how you felt, the good and the bad, as well as any feelings you have regarding the activity.
Do not give out your phone number or address until you have both had the chance to discuss it.
These rules are always open for additions and modification upon discussion with each other.
Always practice safe sex during intercourse. Your life could depend on it. Or you could always enjoy soft swinging (no penetration with the other partner).